Thin Client Fail
After reinstalling Ubuntu on KWF2 almost half a dozen times, and trying oh so very hard to get KWF4 to boot off of it, I will need to admit defeat, for now.
At this point KWF4 will display the loading screen and come all the way up until it displays the login screen, then will fall to a blank screen with a flashing cursor. I've booted KWF3 off of it thin, so the problem is in KWF4. I've looked into updating the BIOS, but it's only offered as an EXE, which needs Windows to install.
How terrifying is it that a program running in Windows can reflash the BIOS? Give me a floppy disc image any day.
And the moral of the story is: When you get a free computer with Windows still on it, at least just update the BIOS before whipping it out...